Games Made by Me

Download some video games I made here.

Sea Dog

I wrote a book called Sea Dog. Go buy it. Here is the full color version.

A Hellish Easter Story

          Jesus woke up falling through pitch darkness. The last he remembered, he had bled out after being crucified by a bunch of Roman soldiers. He'd show them. Just wait three days. First, he'd have to deal with Satan.

          After falling for a few minutes, Jesus hit the ground face first, knocking the breath out of him. He fumbled around and felt something hard and smooth. Running his fingers over the surface, he realized it was a human skull. In the distance, Jesus saw a point of red light and a line of people leading towards the crimson glow. He tossed the skull aside and approached the line. At the very end of the line was one of the men who had been crucified next to him. He wore nothing but rags, just like Jesus.

       "Looks like you weren't able to save yourself, son of God," scoffed the man. "Get behind me, bro. We're waiting to check in at the gates of Hell." 

       Being the badass he was, Jesus cut in front of everyone and confronted the demon who was running the gates. The demon had skin the color of blood and the horns of a ram. 

       "Hey, you're not J.C, are you?" asked the demon.

       "Nope. No clue who that is," replied J.C.

       "Then explain those holes in your wrists. And the one in your ribs."

       Jesus knew he wasn't fooling this guy, so he decided to take another course of action. He took one of the demon's horns in each hand and pulled them apart, splitting its head in half. Since the demon had no soul, it was not a moral wrongdoing. The people in line clapped in approval. Jesus continued past the gates and soon arrived at the source of the red light. A sea of flames extended as far as the eye can see, dotted with islands of black volcanic rock. Far above his head, covered with stalactites, was the roof of this infinitely large cavern. Demons with spears stood guard on the islands, and the souls of everyone who had ever died screamed in agony in the pit of fire. Luckily, Jesus was here to save some of those souls. He walked to the edge of the fire and a crowd of souls reached up at his feet. 

        "You're the one who can get us out of here, aren't you?" said one of them. 

        "Yeah, don't worry. I'm gonna kick Satan's ass. Then, if you're a good person, you'll be able to go to Heaven. It's pretty epic up there."

        For the rest of that day, Jesus leapt from island to island, across the sea of tormented souls. He swatted winged monsters out of the air and pummeled demons with his bare hands. Despite exhaustion from the heat, he pushed on until he could no longer keep his eyes open. He found a small cave and laid down to sleep. 

       He woke up later to a couple demons poking at him with their pitchforks. Down here, it was impossible to tell how much time had passed. Jesus cracked one eye open, listening to the demons talk.

        "I'm almost positive, man," said one of them, "This guy is definitely the son of God."

        "You're damn right I am," said Jesus, springing to his feet. He performed a two-footed kick, landing one foot in each of the demons' crotches. They shot into the air, blasting through the roof of the little cave, continuing up until they splattered against the roof of Hell. 

         Jesus went on with his journey, descending through the several layers of Hell. Each one was hotter than the last, with louder screams and bigger and fiercer demons. On the third day, Jesus finally came upon the entrance to the ninth layer of Hell. The entrance was nothing more than a deep, enormously wide chasm, the bottom of which was shrouded in a smoky mist. Jesus dove into the pit, somersaulted several times in the air, then landed with one knee and one fist planted in the ground. He rose to his feet, leaving a fist-shaped imprint in the solid rock. Before him, amidst a mote of lava and howling souls, rose Satan's ashy-colored castle, topped with a multitude of thorny spires. A bridge made entirely of human bones spanned the length of the mote, and on the other end, behind an iron gate at the base of the castle, lay a shining golden key. That was the key that would release the souls of the innocent from Hell, and that was the key Jesus was looking for. As Jesus crossed the bridge, Satan himself appeared before him from a cloud of red smoke. A swarm of demons rose from the lava around him. Satan floated to the ground on his red feathered wings. He grinned, flicking his serpent tongue. He had a great pitchfork, a dragon's tail, the horns of goat, and a long goatee. 

          "You're not gonna be going back up there any time soon," laughed Satan. 

          Jesus leapt forward and delivered an uppercut to Satan's chin. The demon stumbled back and rubbed his jaw. 

          "I thought you were more of a love and peace kinda guy," said Satan.

          "I am. That's why I'm about to mess you up." Jesus fought furiously for hours, fending off both Satan and his army of henchmen. He sustained many injuries, but because he had already been bloodied by the Romans, none of these new wounds were noticeable. Since he was already in Hell, he was not made up of Earthly flesh, but any living man would have died in the first few minutes of the battle. When Jesus had singlehandedly taken down every single one of the goons, he and Satan had nearly been overcome by exhaustion. Despite his fatigue, Jesus jumped into the air, grabbed Satan by the horns, and stabbed them into the ground. While the devil struggled to free himself, Jesus staggered toward the iron gates, which were now rising open on their own. Satan managed to dislodge his horns, but when he tried to swing his pitchfork at Jesus, it was if there was an invisible wall between them. The moment Jesus picked up the golden key, he heard a rumbling from the direction he had come. He turned to see countless beams of angelic light pouring from the sky, bursting holes through the roof of Hell. The beams shined down on a good portion of the souls in the fiery pit, sucking up the innocent ones into Heaven. They cheered with joy as they ascended through the holes in the roof, while the villains who had been left behind howled in despair.

           "You're even letting the gay ones free!" cried Satan, watching his prisoners float away. 

           Suddenly, one of the beams was cast down on Jesus, and Satan's mighty castle shrunk beneath him. Then there was a flash of warm light, and Jesus woke in a cave, completely healed except for two holes in his palms and one in his side. He got to his feet, and the stone door of the tomb was set aside.